


Confined to Quarters

by junko



Series: Chasing Demons [6]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Dildos, M/M, Original Character(s), Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-24
Updated: 2012-10-24
Packaged: 2017-11-16 22:42:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/544643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Renji gets more than he bargained for his first night in the captain's quarters.  Due to the limitations of his illness, Byakuya has to get creative.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confined to Quarters

**Author's Note:**

> This can be read just for the sexy parts. Everything should be explained within the context of the story, so you should be able to enjoy it without having read anything previously.

Renji still couldn’t believe it. His “punishment” for insubordination was being confined to quarters for twenty-one days… only Byakuya had said since he hadn’t stipulated whose quarters Renji could “serve” his time in the captain’s.

And people always called him a dirty dog.

Damn.

Renji was still standing loosely at attention in the captain’s master suite at the estate where the proceedings had been held. The Third left a few minutes earlier to file the initial paperwork, and Byakuya sat in bed finishing up the rest. The house steward had brought in the tea table filled with brush and ink that stretched over Byakuya’s lap. As he wrote, Byakuya’s hand moved slowly and carefully. It was clear the hearing had taken a lot out of him.

Renji had no idea what he should do next. “So, uh, does the whole estate count as your quarters, or…?”

Byakuya sighed impatiently without looking up. “The estate is an extension of the division. Therefore, house arrest could certainly extend to all of it. But, if there’s something you need to do elsewhere first, Renji, you should feel free to do it. I never said the days needed to be consecutive or when they had to start.”

“Wow. That’s… uh…. Who _are_ you? How hard did Ichigo hit you on the head, anyway, sir?”

Byakuya glanced up at Renji. The captain said nothing for a long time, though Renji thought he looked a little sad or disappointed. Finally, Byakuya said seriously, “I remember a time not long ago, just after we returned from the Hanami, when you lectured me about the value of leniency toward loyal soldiers. Consider the possibility that I listened.”

They held each other’s eyes for a long moment. And, though Renji felt like he often did under that intense scrutiny—completely schooled and put in his place, there was a new acknowledgment in Byakuya’s steady gaze that Renji had never sensed before. It was astounding how much the captain had changed… or had been changing. Had Byakuya really been paying attention to his opinion all the way back then? Zabimaru had said so, but the alley had obliterated any sense that Byakuya had even a shred of respect for him.

Maybe their fight had brought it back.

“Why don’t you take some time to gather up your things and return here later tonight?” Byakuya suggested, his voice holding a touch of warmth that threatened to take Renji’s breath away. Then, finally letting his gaze return to the paperwork, the captain said, “Dismissed.”

 

#

Renji left the estate feeling… shell-shocked. Back at the division, everyone mistook his stunned expression as a sign that he was reeling from some new harsh blow from the captain. The Third even asked him if he was okay, clearly concerned that his few extra minutes alone with Byakuya had somehow turned physical, despite the captain’s illness.

“Yeah,” Renji muttered, shaking off the hand on his shoulder. “Listen, the captain gave me the rest of the day to get things in order, so let’s try to get as much done as we can. There’s some other stuff I want to do around the Seireitei.”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to stock up on sake when confined to quarters, sir,” Third said so dryly that Renji almost didn’t realize he was teasing until he looked to see the Third’s sly smile.

“Oh, right,” Renji agreed, going along with the joke. “Damn. There goes my plan.”

After that they put their heads down and mapped out ways for the division to return to normal without their lieutenant or captain for the next several weeks. As he and the Third strategized, Renji realized just how much he was going to miss this work. It wasn’t going to be any kind of real hardship to spend time with the captain, but… he was really beginning to love running the Sixth. Even all the stupid bureaucratic minutia.

When they were finished, Renji let out a long sigh. “I guess that’s it,” he said sadly. “It’s in your hands now. But, you know, I think the captain would be okay if you still needed to tap me for those personnel issues.”

“I will, Renji. If nothing else, I may need your advice.”

Renji nodded. He looked around the office, reflexively straightening a few things as he stood up to leave. It took him ten minutes of fussing to get to the door, with the Third watching on sympathetically the whole time.

Even then, he stood at the threshold a long moment, gripping the doorframe as though afraid, if he let it go, he’d never be allowed back.

Renji took a steadying breath. It was only twenty-one days. He’d be back at it in no time. Besides, he reminded himself, the division needed time to heal from the wounds he’d inflicted on them—both literal and figurative. He turned back, and reminded the Third, “I want to stay informed. You’ll keep me in the loop?” The Third nodded solemnly. “Also, you’ll tell me when Utaco’s funeral is scheduled, right? As well as any others.”

“Of course, sir. We’ll talk when you log in.”

“Right,” Renji said, and he finally found the strength to leave.

 

#

Renji had hoped to check in with his friends, but Momo was still in critical and there was still no word on Kira or Shūhei. He ran into Tetsuzaemon Iba and asked him to remind Captain Komamura that they had a drinking “date,” but it would have to wait until he was out.

“House arrest, huh?” Iba asked, with his eyebrows raised above the dark sunglasses he always wore. Iba was taking a break from hauling rubble. He had shirt off and dust clung to the sweat on his taut, sculpted abdomen. Renji tried to keep his gaze from the tattoo on Iba’s back of a cat on fire and the kanji ‘shōfuku’ that looked so much like the ones on the guys Renji’d tried so hard to avoid pissing off in Inuzuri. “How long you in for?”

Iba made it sound like Renji was serving serious time.

Renji shrugged. “Twenty-one days.”

“Byakuya’s getting soft,” Iba said with a grunt. “Didn’t you get charged with desertion?”

“Try to follow along, Iba,” Renji said, feigning irritation. “That was several infractions ago. Anyway, the head captain cleared me of that one. The arrest in quarters is for insubordination.”

“Insubordination?” Iba shook his head. “You’re getting off easy.”

Renji agreed. “You have no idea.”

#

When the sun started to set, Renji made his way back to the estate. He’d spent the day visiting favorite spots, as though he might never see them again. At the end of the day near dinner time, he’d met up with Rukia and Ichigo and all their friends on the food vendor street, which had served as a perfect send-off. It might be foolish given how lenient Byakuya had proved to be so far, but Renji spent the day haunted by a feeling of nostalgia mixed with dread--like, if he didn’t say good-bye somehow when he emerged from house arrest everything would have changed, moved on without him.

So it was with a strangely heavy heart that Renji presented himself to the steward. His feet dragged though the long walk to the master suite. But, when Eishirō slid open the door, Renji’s mood lifted at the sight of Byakuya up and out of bed.

Byakuya sat on a bench on the veranda, overlooking the cherry orchards. His head tilted back against the wall as if enjoying the feeling of the fading sun on his face. Black hair hung loosely, a light breeze tugging at the forelocks that fell in front of his eyes. He wore a light green kimono, embroidered with white lotus blossoms. As Renji settled onto the bench next to him, Renji noticed tiny silver frogs hidden among the lily’s pads which had been cleverly woven into the fabric’s design.

“Heh, cool,” Renji said, pointing to one he’d discovered on the captain’s sleeve.

“Yes. I’ve found twenty-three,” Byakuya noted. He lifted his head and opened his eyes, “Though when my mother gave this to me she said there were twenty-eight.”

Renji found three more, but he resisted pointing them out to Byakuya. “How many kimono do you have, anyway? I’ve only ever seen one repeat.”

“A number,” Byakuya said quietly. A tiny spot of color warmed his face, “More than a few.”

Too late Renji realized how gauche his idle question had been. To cover his embarrassment, he pointed to another frog. This one was just peering over the sleeve’s hem. “How about this one? You see that one before?”

When Byakuya leaned in and turned his sleeve over to check, Renji placed a quick kiss in the captain’s hair and captured his hand in his.

Byakuya blinked, clearly surprised by this skillful double-play. But, he frowned down at their entwined hands. “Are you mocking me?”

“No, I really saw a frog.”

Lifting their hands slightly, Byakuya said, “I meant, with this.”

“I thought you liked holding hands.”

“I thought you found it too… ‘cute.’” The edge in Byakuya’s voice betrayed an old annoyance at a comment Renji had made many months earlier at the Hanami. It amused Renji that Byakuya was apparently still stinging from that.

“It is cute,” Renji offered with a little teasing smile. But, before Byakuya could pull away, he added, “But I never said I didn’t like it.”

“I see,” Byakuya said with a sniff, though he relaxed his hand. He returned his attention to the sun setting over the cherry orchard. Even though summer was just ending, geese began their noisy migration southward. A v-shaped flock soared over their heads, no doubt heading for the lake at the other side of the estate grounds.

They sat in silence watching the clouds changing color as the sun sunk lower on the horizon. The sky was a deep purple with orange stripes glowing just beyond the tree line.

Renji enjoyed the way Byakuya’s shoulder rested warmly against his and the intimacy of their fingers lightly entwined. Though, of course, Renji’s palm started to sweat, and he wondered how Byakuya could stand the slimy feel of it. But Renji didn’t want to be the first to let go. Instead, he turned his head and leaned in slightly so he could breathe in the smell of Byakuya’s hair and skin.

“You’re such a… beast,” Byakuya said, though he sounded more fond than disgusted. “I’m forever catching you sniffing at me.”

“You smell amazing,” Renji said with a shrug. Then, with a lascivious smile, he nuzzled his lips close to Byakuya’s ear and growled, “But, you taste even better.”

“Renji--” Byakuya let go of Renji’s hand and gave him a gentle admonishing push away, “I’m not so well as all that.”

“You could just lie there,” Renji offered. He moved back in for a little nip on the ear, though Byakuya skillfully shifted out of the way.

“Even so, you would exhaust me.”

Renji shook his head and gave Byakuya a sharp, wicked grin. “I think the word you’re looking for is ‘satisfy.’ Anyway, it doesn’t have to be hardcore gymnastics to be fun. You’re the one with the perverted imagination. And I know you like to watch. You could just tell me what you want to see.”

“Hmmm,” Byakuya said, this time allowing Renji to nuzzle in to nip at his neck. “All very tempting, but what of your demon?”

Renji had been making a slow progression of kisses and playful bites along Byakuya’s slender, elegant neck, but Byakuya’s words made him pull up suddenly, “My what?”

Byakuya turned his face away. His hands slipped into the sleeves of his kimono, and he seemed to draw into himself. “You heard me.”

Renji sat back. He had, but he wasn’t sure he understood. What was Byakuya worried about? Did he really think that Renji had so little control of that part of himself that it could surface unconsciously, accidentally? “You only get the demon when you ask for it,” Renji said quietly. Byakuya seemed unconvinced, so Renji added, “Besides, I went bankai all over your ass without ever bringing that out. If I really couldn’t contain it—well, trust me: you’d have seen it then.”

Thin, dark eyebrows knitted together as Byakuya considered this.

Renji reached out a hand, and gently tucked a bit of stray hair behind Byakuya’s ear. “Problem is, I can’t promise I’d never hurt you.” Despite the seriousness of the moment a thought made Renji laugh, “Heh. I guess I could swear I’d only beat you up when I knew exactly what I was doing.”

“Hmmm, yes, very comforting,” Byakuya said, though his head turned back slightly and Renji could see a little smile tugged at the captain’s lips.

Renji was starting to feel the chill of the evening air nipping through the silks of his shihakushô. “You must be freezing in that flimsy thing. Let me carry you back to bed and warm you up.”

“Carry me? Renji, are you mad? I can walk mys--”

The rest of Byakuya’s protests were muffled against Renji’s chest. Standing up, he neatly scooped Byakuya up into his arms. For a second, Renji thought he might drop the captain—not because he was too heavy, but because Byakuya tried to squirm out from Renji’s grip. “You know, if you helped me, this could be over in less than a minute,” Renji grumbled.

With a long-suffering sigh, Byakuya flung his arms around Renji’s neck and held on tight. “You’re an oaf.”

“I’m a gentleman,” Renji disagreed, as he hefted Byakuya into a better position, and, standing all the way up, started back inside. “I’m sweeping my beloved off his feet.”

Byakuya said nothing more. Suffering silently, Renji figured.

With the captain’s arms around his neck, Byakuya wasn’t that difficult to carry. He was a dense, compact mass of taut muscle, but Renji easily had the strength. Besides, it was only a matter of steps before they were in front of the bed.

Now the problem was getting Byakuya down gently. Renji was strong, but bending over would put a lot of strain on his arms and back, and it would be far too easy to let Byakuya fall a few inches. The romance of the moment would be completely ruined if he actually reinjured Byakuya. So to be safest, Renji turned around and sat himself down on the bed, with Byakuya in his lap.

“Well,” Byakuya said. Looking at their position, he shook his head disapprovingly. “This is interesting.”

“I said I’d sweep you off your feet. I didn’t say it would be graceful,” Renji said. Sliding a hand out from under Byakuya’s legs, he wrapped his arm tightly around the captain’s waist, “Though this has some advantages.”

He pulled Byakuya closer for a kiss. Renji half-expected Byakuya to pull away or object, but thin lips parted to meet his. Their tongues touched, and Renji tasted honeyed green tea. He knew he was supposed to close his eyes at moments like this, but he desperately watched Byakuya’s face for signs of pleasure. He was rewarded with a tiny quiver of eyelash and eyebrows drawing slightly together, as though in concentration.

Renji wanted to press deeper, but he could feel Byakuya’s reistsu wobble. So he pulled away. If he was going to get Byakuya to trust him with this, he’d have to pay extra attention to the captain’s energy level.

He looked down into Byakuya’s post-kiss face. His eyes were still closed, and his usually tightly controlled face was softened with satisfaction. It was a rare and stunning picture. “Gods, you’re beautiful,” Renji breathed.

Byakuya’s eyes fluttered open. What was that expression? Byakuya certainly couldn’t be surprised to hear someone remark on his beauty, could he?

A slight color rising to Byakuya’s face made Renji realize that, though he’d thought it a thousand times, he’d never actually said anything like that out loud before to Byakuya.

“I can’t believe I’ve never told you,” Renji said, still cradling Byakuya in his lap. “You’re really…uh, gorgeous, you know?”

Byakuya raised a hand, and said dryly, “Please. You know I cannot withstand the exquisite assault of your poetry.”

Just for that, Renji half-rolled, half-leaned down so that they ended up flat on the bed, with Byakuya beneath him. Renji carefully didn’t put any weight on Byakuya, and instead propped himself up on his forearms. One of Byakuya’s arms still clung loosely to his neck. “Careful,” Renji warned, “Or I might be forced to recite my classic work.”

"No need. I have committed your words to heart.” Byakuya said, his hands reaching up to undo the cloth around Renji’s forehead. He seemed to struggle with the knot for a moment, but it came free with a forceful tug. Byakuya dropped it off the side of the bed.

When he looked ready to try the cord that held Renji's hair back, Renji intercepted him. He gently removed Byakuya’s hands, and sat up. “I got this,” he said, as he undid the string and let his hair fall in front of his face. After stuffing the tie into his pocket, he raked his fingers through the snags and snarls. “Better?”

“Much,” Byakuya smiled softly.

“How about the rest? You up for your usual show?”

“Yes.”

But first Renji had to untangle himself from Byakuya’s legs. While they were at it, he helped the captain get under the covers and get comfortable. He pulled Zabimaru from his hip and set him beside the bed, just under where Senbonzakura was mounted on the wall.

 _You kids play nice_ , Renji told Zabimaru.

A little derisive huffing snort was the zanpaktō’s only response.

One last adjusting of blankets and a quick kiss on Byakuya’s nose, before Renji stood up. He dragged his fingers through his hair again, pulling the rusty red strands from his face a little. “I feel like I should have music or maybe a pole or something,” Renji joked, as he twirled a length of obi in his hand.

“I need no such embellishments. However, you could step closer, so that I could touch, if I wish.”

 _Oh, my_.

Renji did as Byakuya asked, moving closer to the front of the bed where Byakuya was propped up. Byakuya reached out and ran his hand up length of the inside of Renji’s thigh. The tips of Byakuya’s fingers drew a line of heat on Renji’s skin, even through the stiff fabric of the hakama. His breath grew shallow, and Renji felt his balls tighten as he began to stir. By the time Byakuya’s hand swept maddeningly lightly over his crotch, Renji had to hold back the urge to thrust into him with a groan.

“Ah,” Byakuya purred, letting his hand drop. “Always so responsive and eager”

Renji was sure his face was aflame; it was mortifying how quickly he got aroused under Byakuya’s command.

He let his hair fall in front of his face to hide his embarrassment, and pulled at the knot of his obi until it came loose. He felt the hakama slide to his hips as he unwound the tie. Usually, he saved dropping his pants for last, but Renji knew that the real payoff for Byakuya was the tattoos. So, he slipped them the rest of the way to the floor. The long tails of the shitagi and kosode covered him to his knees. Of course, without the obi, they fell open just slightly, revealing a thin line of flesh… and his ‘eager,’ urgent cock.

Byakuya smiled to see him so exposed, yet mostly covered. “You tease me.”

Flipping aside the shirts on one side, Renji uncovered one hip and the tribal lines on his thigh. Byakuya reached up and cupped Renji’s side, letting his thumb trail the contours of hip bone as it blended into groin muscle. Renji couldn’t help but move into it, as a cool hand slipped down to trace the lines of tattoo.

His cock bobbed anxiously, and he bit his lip to hold back a moan.

Shifting his shoulder, Renji peeled the kosode off. When his arms were still in the sleeves and behind his back, Byakuya said, “Stop.”

Renji froze, suddenly aware of how he must look, with his chest thrust out slightly and hands gripping the tangle of fabric at his back. Byakuya’s hand still rested on his thigh, but he used his grip to urge Renji to turn a little. He now stood at a slight angle, his hardening cock inches from Byakuya’s face.

With his hands behind his back, Renji stomach tightened with the sensation of being both incredibly vulnerable and completely aroused.

Then, Byakuya said something that had Renji’s heart thudding in his throat. “You are meant to be punished. Perhaps you need a spanking.”

Renji had no hope of stopping the whimpering growl that escaped his lips at that thought.

“Show me you want it.”

Oh, gods.

Renji shifted his feet so that his legs spread a little, and he offered his cock with a little push forward. _Don’t make me ask_ , Renji thought in a silent mantra. _Don’t’ make me beg_.

The slap was light, not more than a teasing sting of palm against rigid cock. It was enough, however, that Renji’s breath grew harsher and sweat prickled across his naked skin.

If someone else looked at Byakuya at this moment, they’d think he was bored by the whole affair. But Renji could see the light pink flush on his face, the slight haze of arousal in his half-lidded eyes, and the way his mouth hung open almost imperceptibly. Renji loved seeing how much he could make that mask crack, how much passion he could tease to the surface.

So instead of waiting on command, Renji pushed his hips forward again.

“Oh, you want more?”

“Mm-hmm,” was the best Renji could do, along with a little nod. He did manage a husky, “But, you can hit harder than that, can’t you, Taicho?”

There was a little flare of reistsu that made Renji wonder if maybe he shouldn’t have challenged Byakuya so boldly. But it was too late for regrets. The second strike had Renji twisting his hands around the kisode at his back and flinching with a grunt.

To Renji’s great shame, all the violence had only made him ache harder, his cock starting to weep from the pleasure and pain.

Byakuya was breathing heavy now, but his face was pale from the exertion.

Seeing the captain looking as though he were on the verge of collapse, Renji quickly untangled his arms from his shirts. “Whoa. Hey, you okay?”

“Yes,” Byakuya hissed, clearly irritated at his own weakness and the break in the mood. “But… do you think you could retrieve something for us, from the dresser over there.”

“Uh… of course,” Renji scrambled over to where Byakuya had indicated. “What am I looking for?”

“Something of my mother’s. You’ll find it in the top drawer, far in the back. In an ivory box.”

Pushing aside silk scarves and a jumble of jeweled hairpins and necklaces, Renji found what he assumed Byakuya was looking for. It was a good sized box, the size of one of those books Byakuya was always reading, but a bit thicker. It was yellowed imported ivory, delicately carved with a swirling phoenix framed by chilong dragons pursuing a flaming pearl.

Renji brought it over to Byakuya.

Byakuya’s face was redder than Renji had ever seen it, as he took the box and set it in his lap. “Gods forgive me,” he muttered as he opened the box. Inside was a thick, long smooth object that it took Renji’s brain several seconds to parse—it was a dildo.

Made entirely of the finest jade.

Except for its pale green color, it was, in point of fact, intricately carved into an almost perfect, lifelike replica, complete with the hint of veins.

Renji stared at it, with a mixture of horror and fascination.

And just as suddenly, he knew exactly what Byakuya wanted him to do with it.

“Oh, now, I don’t know,” Renji said, backing up a step. “I mean, that looks really… inflexible.”

He was going to say huge. But, it probably wasn’t any bigger than Byakuya was aroused. Still, he’d only just gotten used to the sensation of having Byakuya fill him, and, honestly, they hadn’t even done that very often.

“Very well,” Byakuya said, putting the cover back on the box.

Renji hated that look: disappointment. “I didn’t say I wasn’t up for it. I just... let me see that thing,” Renji said, snatching the box from Byakuya. He picked up the dildo and hefted in his hand, like testing a weapon. It was certainly solid, though the surface was smooth, almost like glass. “Please tell me there’s lube in here.”

“There is,” Byakuya said, holding his hand out for the box. Renji gave it to him, and from a small pouch hidden in the padded indigo silk lining, Byakuya pulled out a thin glass vial.

“So how do you want me to do this?” Renji asked. “I mean so you can see what you want.”

Byakuya uncorked the vial and Renji held out a hand. Byakuya poured a generous amount into Renji’s palm. It smelled of sandalwood. “Why don’t you kneel on the bed facing the wall?”

Renji nodded absently, still sort of dumbfounded that he seemed to have agreed to do this. His slick hand moved along the contours of the dildo. Then he shifted the dildo to his other hand, and used the remaining lube around the edges of his hole.

He got into position on the bed. Renji had started to go soft, so he took a moment to get back in the mood. With the captain’s eyes on him and that hard, slippery thing pressing into his ass, it didn’t take long. Having never done anything like this before, Renji struggled at first to find his own entrance. Eventually, he found the best position was to wedge the base on the bed, holding it steady with his feet, and slowly push down onto it from a kneeling position. As he felt himself spreading open, his breath grew shallow and urgent. The dildo went in with a wet, sluicing sound.

“Show me how you like it,” Byakuya said.

Renji looked over at him. Renji could see that Byakuya’s hand was in his lap, and his whole body was aquiver with excitement.

Hard. That’s what Bykauya wanted to see. So, Renji pushed down against the unyielding jade, feeling it thrust deeper as he did. It stretched him wider and he took more in with a groan. Pulling up, he slammed himself back on it, again and again. Each time it seem to drive further and further in. Soon he was gasping from the feeling of being so thoroughly filled and stretched.

“Yes,” Byakuya breathed. “Let me see.”

Now that it was far enough inside, Renji was able to grab the dildo by the base and tilt his ass up. He pressed his face down into the bed, and he used the dildo to fuck himself hard and fast.

When he heard Byakuya’s deep throated moan, Renji came in a hot, shuddering rush. The dildo slid out easily. Renji slumped down onto the bed, and lay there panting for a long moment. Finally, he found the strength to ask, “What am I supposed to do with this thing now?”

Byakuya laughed lightly. “Bring it here. We can clean it off later.”

“I can’t believe I just fucked myself with your mother’s sex toy.”

“You can’t? There is, I’m sure, a special place in hell for me now.”

“Oh no,” Renji said, as he crawled his way up to his side of the bed, and handed over the item in question, “I’m sure your mother is smiling down at you. Proud of her boy's creativity.”

“Rolling in her grave, more like,” Byakuya said, rolling over to face Renji.

“Do I even want to know how you knew that was there?”

“Well, it’s not terribly well hidden,” Byakuya remarked, smoothing the hair from Renji’s sweaty brow. “And I was a terrible snoop as a child.”

Renji nodded, catching the scent of Byakuya’s pleasure on his fingers. “You think your mom used it a lot?”

“I try not to imagine.”

“Right,” Renji agreed, his eyes growing heavy and his words slurred with post-coital exhaustion. “Well, that’s two good gifts she gave you: your fun frog kimono and now this.”

Byakuya’s mouth quirked in a smile, “Indeed.”

**Author's Note:**

> Renji's strange feeling of nostalgia is mine. I realized the other day that Renji really never gets to return to the day-to-day job of vice-captain after the Rescue arc, going right into the various missions with the Arrancar and/or Bount (depending if your canon is Manga or Anime.) And, I felt sorry for him because, in my head canon, he's good at it.
> 
> And, since I'm sure you're dying to know: yes, I did the research. A thousand year old jade dildo was discovered in an archeological dig in Japan. If they had them a thousand years ago, I'm sure they had them in the Edo period.


End file.
